Well, the old family member is not doing too well. This post is a bit grim for the festive season, so I’ll put it below a read more.
Well, it turns out that the family member got a lot worse.
I received a nighttime phone call from the police and went to the hospital, spent hours there, then we went to a psychiatric hospital and spent hours there.
It took until 5 am to see the duty psychiatrist, when I had to explain how my family member had been in the past and in recent times, while being very tired indeed. I heard some very disturbing statements.
In the end, I got home at about 8 am and it looks like the family member will be spending Christmas in what is (hopefully) a safe place for them.
Well, I had my usual appointment at the gender clinic, so I told them what had been happening in my life and how I’d been feeling the last six months.
They said I didn’t sound too bad, so I guess I’m fine! They did suggest talking to my GP about it though.
The family member who has been getting help with issues is a bit better but, in other ways, a bit worse. Sometimes they do something and I find myself having “less than charitable” thoughts and I have to check myself. Then something else happens, I have some more uncharitable thoughts and have to check myself again.
Uncharitable thoughts are generally unproductive, so I’ll have to work on that.
As for me, I’m getting by.
I’m guessing that Tumblr has decided that the task of separating “adult material” from “exploitative material” is just too difficult or expensive, so has decided to can the whole lot. It’s hard to imagine that they genuinely believe the absolute extreme that a person can be understood or can self-express adequately without discussing the matter of sexuality.
Other sites with adult material exist, but they make no attempt to include the person or personality of the poster, for context. They’re just sites governed by the absoluteness of market forces, with no concern for the poster, the consumer of the material, or the wider issues around the material.
I’ll be quite pleased to see the end of the pornbots, but I suspect that the takedowns will be no better than random selection.
Naturally, Tumblr will still complain and campaign about the EU’s Article 13 leading to huge swathes of material being taken down, due to the difficulties in separating copyrighted material from fair use material…
I was going to go out today, but then I had another great idea… why bother?
Another 7 hours of sleep later, some dinner and then I managed to change those bedsheets for the first time in a long time.
I’ve also managed to get through part of a backlog of laundry in the last few days.
Small steps.
Hey. I’m not posting much. I think about posting, then I just think something along the lines of “why bother”, “there’s no point”, “it’s a waste of time”, etc.
It’s the same with phone calls, paperwork, socialising, work, play… There are some phone calls I really need to make and forms I really need to fill in, but I just can’t bring myself to do them. By typical definitions of depression, I fit that diagnosis.
Electrolysis-wise, I’ve been walking around with b1g fl00f, as the appointments often fall at times that make it difficult to shave. I’m helping out with training new staff, by providing… er… big floof to work on.
Today, I have lumpy cheeks, after some extra-hot zaps.
These pictures are old, pre-floof and pre-lumps.
A few anniversaries have passed. My mum’s death, my 3 year hormone anniversary and the anniversary of the last time I earned any money.
I’ve had to deal with another family issue that could’ve spiralled out of control, but fortunately seems to be OK now (we’ll see).
I’m a little bit dysfunctional, but not caving in entirely.
I was pleasantly surprised by the electrolysis. Their new machine does a “micro flash” double pulse that only lasts 0.2 seconds and is definitely less painful. I was able to feel the double pulse every time, like a hot “boop boop”.
I managed a 30 minute session with no anaesthetic (admittedly not on the most sensitive areas though). Previously, I’d only managed 6 minutes without anaesthetics!
I’m going to get some electrolysis tomorrow. It’s always a bit stressful going to a new place, you really need someone you trust, someone who can understand and work with your pain threshold.
